LOST CAUSE (ALTERNATIVELY TITLED: THANKS FOR MAKING ME A BIG WHORE, NOW MARRY ME) by Tawni Waters

THINGS I HAVE TRIED TO GET OVER YOU:

Sex with men
Celibacy
A couple of glasses of wine
Vats of wine
Sex with women
Abstinence from wine
Obsessive Cardio
Bargaining with God
Tequila
Marriage
Weight Lifting
Netflix Marathons
Healthy living
Boxes of cookies
Pills
SEX
Kissing
Cake
Getting fat
Gin
Meditation
Traveling around the world
Losing weight
Running
Hallucinogens
Marrying my work
Yoga
Charitable causes
Vodka
Jesus
Writing books
Marijuana
Uncontrollable weeping
Shrieking
Inner calm
Lying
Telling the truth
Starring in shitty plays
Jumping jacks
Wailing in graveyards
Collecting Mary statues
Copious quantities of salsa
SEX
Music
Ganesh
Starring in good plays
Young men
Rich men
Poor men
Old men
Rum
Krishna
Dancing
Sleeping with ex-convicts
Swimming
Vision quests
Psychic intervention
Therapy
SEX
How to Talk Yourself Out of Anything, A Six Part Program ($199.99)
Karaoke
Massage
Snorkeling
Poetry slams
Mantras
Spells
Witches
Shamans
Self-hypnosis
SEX
Long Island iced teas

THINGS THAT HAVE WORKED:

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About Tawni Waters

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