New Flavors by Eva Langston

Vote for Your Favorite of These New and Exciting Vodka Flavors!

Currently I tutor English, and one of my students is the CEO of a Russian vodka company.  I also have a part-time job at a liquor store.  So my knowledge of what’s hot in the world of vodka has sky-rocketed in the past few months.  But what about you?  Have you been keeping abreast with the changing vodka market lately?  Let’s test your knowledge, shall we?


Which of the following is NOT currently a flavor of vodka?

A.  Tomato

B.  Bubblegum

C.  Bacon

D.  Freshly-cut grass

E.  Wasabi


That was a trick question.  The answer is that they are all currently flavors of vodka.  So are whipped cream, garlic, and Swedish Fish, although garlic is currently only available in Russia.  What this means is that all the good flavors have already been created, and that coming up with new and exciting vodkas is getting harder and harder.  Here are some vodka flavors I’d like to see next:


Dostoevsky’s Tears (for the Russians)

Slutty Girl’s Lip Gloss (for the frat boys)

Morning Breath Sex

Play-Doh (for a trip down memory lane)

Breast Milk (for a different sort of memory)

Soy Milk (for the vegans)

Thanksgiving Dinner

Cool Ranch Doritos

Meat on a Stick (for the Renaissance Fair re-enactors)

Deep-Fried Twinkies (for those taking nips at the county fair)

Second Breakfast (for hobbits)

Don Draper’s Morning Cigarette

Old Gum

The Sweet Taste of Inspiration (for readers of Burlesque Press)


Please vote for your favorite flavor, and I will pass the winners along to my vodka CEO contact.  Then soon we’ll all be able to commemorate our life’s failures and successes with martinis that taste like Dostoevsky’s tears.


To learn more about Eva Langston click here.